I’ve been kind of on edge lately. Actually, it feels like I’ve been kinda edgy and unstable for the last year or so but it’s gotten even worse in the last few weeks. I dunno…call it pregnancy hormones, call it last trimester jitters, call it lack of sleep, call it mourning. Or maybe call it “all of the above” because:
1) I’m definitely more emotional right now (Thanks Max),
2) definitely worried about how we’re going to fit a second child into our already crazy lives,
3) definitely not sleeping very much (Thanks Max and Jack) and
4) definitely wishing things could just be the way they use to be (Thanks Life).
So, after an especially rough weekend of constant bickering and overall negativity, when my husband asked me what would make me happy, I was at a complete loss. You know what would make me happy? Having more time to fix everything in this house that needs to be fixed. Not being so familiar with the details of death. Walking without pain. Having someone else plan everything.
Sounds easy, right? No.
Instead, we decided to take Jack to an indoor playground and the craziest thing happened…I found my happy. It turns out, all I really needed was to hear a little boy giggle with delight as we slid down a 20 foot blue slide. Or take video of my 6 foot tall husband squeezing into openings meant for a 5 year old. Or laugh when I wedged my 8 month old belly through a tiny play house door. Or watch with amazement as my usually reserved and apprehensive son insisted on riding the bumper boats by himself.
It turns out, I just needed to be reminded that sometimes, as a parent and as a person, the only thing you really need to take seriously in life is to let go and not take it all so serious.