Hard to believe it’s my 32nd birthday today. I still feel like I just got out of high school. That my life is still just beginning and that I have so much more to learn. I still make silly mistakes and say things that I probably shouldn’t. I sometimes throw tantrums when I don’t want to vacuum or cook. I think it must have been some sort of huge cosmic mistake that that the world would put a kid in my care when in all actuality, I’m still feel like a kid myself.

And then I look in the mirror and for the first time in my life, the woman in the mirror is starting to look like the number on her birth certificate. There’s a sort of long-ness to my face and a shallow-ness to my skin that wasn’t there before. And bags?! Samsonite should hire me as their spokesperson. Last Christmas, I officially joined my older sister in the “Gifts That You Need When You Get Old” group when my mother gave me dark circles eye cream. It is a strange and bitter group to be a part of.

I’d like to say that it’s just the normal wear and tear that comes with being a full time mom, that all these physical changes aren’t indicative of how young I still feel inside but nope, I feel old inside too. I worry about all the people I love so dearly and wish I could go back to a time when I thought people in their 20′s were adults and death was a far far distant threat. I’m tired, so so tired, at the end of most days and I now fall asleep while watching movies like my mother did.

There are some things that really suck about getting old (um, hello dark circles?!) but it really isn’t all bad. The last thing I wanted to do in this blog post was complain about my age! I love being thirty-two, seriously, I do. My thirties fit me in so many more ways than my twenties ever did. I’m starting to find a calmness to life. Things that would have really upset me in the past now roll right off into the “Too Busy To Worry About” pile. I’ve finally have a certain self-assurance that reminds me to surround myself with people who “get” me and not worry too much about the people who don’t. That life is too short not to see my family every chance I get and to hang out with people who make me laugh. Jim and I have entered a point in our relationship that is strong, secure and intensely comforting. Those things can only be shared with the passage of time and tribulations. We’re coming on our 10 year anniversary later this year and I’m crazier than ever about him.

Ah, and let’s not forget Jackson. He may be responsible for 90% of my worrying but he’s also responsible for 90% of my giggles nowadays. Have I told you all that he’s taken to removing his pants in his crib before he takes his nap? That he took a whole row of steps while everyone was cheering for him at The Baby Cafe the other day? I must have mentioned that he’s now eating all by himself, like a big boy? Earlier today he wrapped his arms around my neck and snuggled into my chest, really hugging me for the first time. And just like that…I was a kid again. Falling in love all over for the first time.

And so yes, another year has brought around another birthday and I am reminded in a hundred million ways  that I am one Lucky Girl.