I’ve taken to walking lately. Long, drawn out walks that take anywhere between an hour to an hour and half to complete. Sure, the walks are a great form of exercise and Jackson loves being outdoors but let’s not forget the real reason I take walks. I seem to be walking myself sane these days.

Before Jackson (was there ever really a time before Jackson? Hard to believe.), I usually chose running as my regular form of exercise. A good run got the heart and lungs working overtime quickly. I kept detailed notes on how far and fast I went, always pushing myself harder the next time to beat those records. I didn’t have time to go slower, I had a business to run and as they say, time is money. How different things are now. Sure, time is still money but whether I’m walking outside or playing in the den, I wouldn’t be in the studio working either way. I have a new boss now and he’s seriously got the cutest 4-tooth grin on this side of the Rio Grande!

These long walks started pretty early last year, about four weeks after JackJack made his grand appearance in this world. Looking back on that time now, it seems as if someone else was walking in my shoes. Someone who needed just a few minutes to herself before returning to the challenging world of breastfeeding and diaper counting. Someone who thought that if she could just walk far enough maybe her world would go back to normal again. I wish I could hug that girl in my memory and tell her it would all be okay. (To all you new mamas out there, it gets so much easier. I promise.)

Somewhere around six months my walks transformed from necessary escapes to calming meditations. It was around this time that Jackson started to really enjoy our walks and usually would fall asleep half way through. With Jackson preoccupied or asleep, I was able to find and listen to my inner voice. Nobody told me that after having a kid, you would desperately miss the silence. I’m not talking about the silence around the house, although you miss that too. As many of you know, a mother’s mind runs a 100 miles per hour thinking of speech delays, socialization, lunch, healthy snacks, leaching plastics, GMOs, cost of Montessori, public school downfalls and so on and so on. When I’m walking the only thing running through my mind is whether or not that beautiful white horse four houses down will be out today or not. All those things that seemed so dire while at home are just a little bit easier to swallow when you’re watching baby goats play.

Gone are the days of keeping track of how many miles I’ve gone and how quickly I can get back to work. There are some days I think that I could keep on walking forever, only turning back when I hear the sweet rustlings of a hungry child. I hope Jackson continues to enjoy our walks. I hope he grows to finds them as refreshing to his inner voice as I do. I hope to one day walk hand in hand with a sweet little boy, past the horses and the goats, explaining how walking made me a better mother.