My Dearest Max,

You’re already 3 and a half months and I’m just now writing you your first letter. I hope that years from now, when you’re reading this as an adult, you don’t talk the absence of letters addressed to you as anything other than a lack of enough hours in the day. Who in their right mind would want to be on a stupid old laptop instead of smothering you with kisses? I must confess, I am not strong enough to resist your charms. Who could really pass up those cheeks!?

You are such a good baby and everyday I wake up, wondering what I must have done right in a past life to deserve being your mother. We had a bit of a rough road there for a while with breastfeeding but things are much easier now. You’ve even started to establish a nice little routine, napping when you big brother does and only waking up for a small snack once a night. I know it won’t last forever but I greatly appreciate it now!

Your brother, Jack, has gotten quite attached to you. Sure there are moments when he’s annoyed at the amount of time it takes to nurse all the time but for the most part he’s mostly entertained by you. Jack is already showing you how to sign different objects around the house, I think he wants to talk with you. There are few things I want more than for the two of you to be good friends when you grow up. Someone to play sports with, to share bunk beds with, to have adventures with. Someone to walk this road with you, from beginning to end. Someone who makes the day better with just a simple phone call. Someone like my sisters.

Everyone warned us how hard it was going to be, adding another child into our family of three. I was prepared to deal with all the negative aspects (lack of sleep, sibling jealousy, no time to ourselves, etc). What I wasn’t prepared for was all the good things they don’t tell you. They don’t tell you that the second you see your new baby, your heart doubles in size. All worries of whether you could love him as much as your first just *poof* disappear when you look into their eyes and see the world new again.

They don’t tell you that you will be astonished at how much better at this you are. You’ve been down this road and know where it leads. The unease and unsureness of a first time mother has been replaced with centuries of knowledge and a sense of perspective. If you can diffuse a 2 year old’s tantrum in the middle of the library, you definitely can handle a baby who only really needs to feed, poop or sleep.

No one tells you that you’re going to love being the mother of two kids. That within months, you won’t be able to imagine you life without both of them. No one tells you that you finally feel like you were meant to do this and that you will love every second of it.

We’re in the process of buying all the supplies for Max’s upcoming home birth. We’re about six weeks out and getting kind of excited and anxious. I fully realize that there is a whole list of complications that could arise between now and then but there’s no use in worrying about things you have no true control over, right? So much easier to say than to practice. Sigh.

So, here’s our home birth master list for posterity’s sake or in case anyone is planning for a future birth…or maybe someone has suggestions? I’d love to hear what helped during your labor, home or not. I’ve also included descriptions after some of the materials because if you’re like me, you’re going have no idea why in the world you would need some of this!

List Given By Midwife
- (1) box of large trash bags
- (2) quarts of hydrogen peroxide
- (1) bottle of alcohol (Jim said he preferred Jack Daniels but I think she meant isopropyl alcohol. Hah, maybe we should have both.)
- (1) medium cookie sheet (To make placenta cookies…Hah, I kid. To use as a medicine/tools tray)
- disposable underpads (You know those large disposable and waterproof pads they often have you sit on in the hospital? Turns out Walgreens sells them too. Who knew?)
- straws (For the mother to drink while in any position. Makes sense now, huh?)
- oversized sanitary pads (blech)
- set of sheets to throw away (doesn’t everyone have a set of sheets that they kinda hate and want to throw away anyway?)
- (6) towels you can throw away (same goes for those ratty towels!)
- (4) plastic shower curtains (turns out birth can be kinda messy. Hah, between mentioning sanitary pads and messy births, there goes 90% of my readers.)
- Q-tips (for post-birth adorable baby cleaning)

Other Things I’m Considering (found mostly on a ridiculously long list at the Mothering.com forum)
- 3 bottles of juice or Emergen-C (I’d much rather drink Emergen-C)
- frozen meal and snacks for support group (sandwiches?)
- high protein snack or small meal for me (I have no idea, suggestions?)
- cheap washcloths (not really sure but they just kinda make sense)
- spray bottle with water/witch hazel (to spray on pads and freeze for after labor comfort)
- round flannel backed table cloth (to put under birthing tub)
- small bottle of olive oil (to spread on Max’s bum as soon as he’s born so the meconium (aka black tar) is easier to wipe off)
- honey straws (quick energy)
- nori (seaweed) strips (for tears? We already have some in our pantry for when we make sushi but I need to do more research on this)
- ginger infused water (for tearing)
- emergency bag (packed and out of sight in the car, in case we have to rush to the hospital)
- emergency contact list (front and center on fridge with names/numbers of my home midwife, my hospital nurse midwife, Jim, my mother. Also handy to have simple directions to our house in case EMT needs to be called)
- receiving blankets you don’t mind throwing away (turns out babies are messy after birth too)
- birthing outfit (sports bra and bottoms? Would love suggestions for this too!)
- after birth outfit (comfortable and nursing friendly)

As you can see, the majority of the needed supplies are usually just household items so there’s only a few more things we actually need to go out and buy.

So, what do you think? Am I missing anything?

I’ve been kind of on edge lately. Actually, it feels like I’ve been kinda edgy and unstable for the last year or so but it’s gotten even worse in the last few weeks. I dunno…call it pregnancy hormones, call it last trimester jitters, call it lack of sleep, call it mourning. Or maybe call it “all of the above” because:
1) I’m definitely more emotional right now (Thanks Max),
2) definitely worried about how we’re going to fit a second child into our already crazy lives,
3) definitely not sleeping very much (Thanks Max and Jack) and
4) definitely wishing things could just be the way they use to be (Thanks Life).

So, after an especially rough weekend of constant bickering and overall negativity, when my husband asked me what would make me happy, I was at a complete loss. You know what would make me happy? Having more time to fix everything in this house that needs to be fixed. Not being so familiar with the details of death. Walking without pain. Having someone else plan everything.

Sounds easy, right? No.

Instead, we decided to take Jack to an indoor playground and the craziest thing happened…I found my happy. It turns out, all I really needed was to hear a little boy giggle with delight as we slid down a 20 foot blue slide. Or take video of my 6 foot tall husband squeezing into openings meant for a 5 year old. Or laugh when I wedged my 8 month old belly through a tiny play house door. Or watch with amazement as my usually reserved and apprehensive son insisted on riding the bumper boats by himself.

It turns out, I just needed to be reminded that sometimes, as a parent and as a person, the only thing you really need to take seriously in life is to let go and not take it all so serious.

Dear Jack,
Here we are, sliding into your third year on this world. Where does it all go, My Sweet Baby Little Boy Jack?

Every day I am stunned at just how much of a little boy you are. Who knows how many times I’ve wondered out loud, “Where did you learn that?” You have become quite the little sponge and your parents have to frequently remind each other to “watch their words.” I love our conversations, little glimpses of what the world looks like to a little two year old boy. A world where stuffed caterpillars get read to, superheros have soccer matches and robots dance. I wish I could bottle that world and keep it forever.

The world of motherhood has settled in quite nicely. The moments of sheer panic have drifted away with your infancy and have been replaced with a calm that comes only with time and experience. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when you are acting just the way a two year old should act (crazy and unpredictable) and I find myself daydreaming about going to work but I’ve started to learn the tricks of the trade. A change of scenery, a shifting of attention, a new activity…they work wonders on tantrums! In the end, I love every wonder-filled, exhausting, amazing, emotional day with you and know that in the blink of an eye, it’ll soon be a distant memory.

This next year will be quite exciting for you…at least that’s how I’m hoping you’ll see the arrival of your little brother, Maxwell, sometime in the Spring. I know it may be a bit rough in the beginning but I want for you what I have with my sisters, someone to travel down the road of life with. Sometimes leading, sometimes following, always hand in hand.

The last 12 months have been really tough and the loss we have felt has forever changed our worlds. I find myself torn in two directions every time you reach an important milestone in your life. Of course, I am overjoyed at how amazing you truly are but also a little heartbroken that some very important people in your life weren’t here to see it. Grandpa Gilbert would have gotten the biggest kick out of your soccer tricks and Grandma Brady would have just melted with one of your two-handed kisses. You were lucky to have them in your life, even if for just a brief moment. They will forever be embedded in your spirit, loving and guiding you through out the years of your life.

I love you, Jack.

Mama

Watching the news has me more than a little paranoid about the world we live in. Who wouldn’t be?! It’s almost as if we’re creating a checklist of ways to screw up our habitat.

Massive Oil Spill? Check.
Hormones in our food? Check.
Leaching plastics? Check.
BPA in receipts? Check…wait, wha?! It’s true.

There are so many things to worry about when it comes to food, I might as well add overwhelmed mother to that list. So what’s a mother to do? The best she can, of course. You do what you can, when you can do it and try not to lose too much sleep over everything else. Easier said than done, right?

Here are some hints from around the internet to help:

- plant a garden. (ok, that’s not directly from a website but it’s kinda a no-brainer)
- try to avoid these 7 Nasties (c’mon, did you really think microwavable popcorn was good for you?)
- buy organic when your pocketbook permits (keep a Dirty Dozen/Clean 15 cheat sheet in your wallet)
- go outside, run around, play! (get your body moving to help release environmental toxins found in your system)
- make your own food (As Michael Pollan said “Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it yourself.” Mmm, homemade magic shell.)

What are some of your survival strategies? What do you decide to worry about and what do you let slide?

This has got to be one of my favorite thrifty finds. An amazing working sunburst clock! Absolutely and simply modern. Perfect for my living room, no? Too bad I had just talked to my sister about how perfect a sunburst would look in her place. Definitely can’t keep it now. At least I know where it is when she gets tired of it!

I’m addicted to thrifting books for Jackson. I rarely walk out of a thrift store without one or two children’s books in hand. It’s an obsession but as far as addictions go, it could be worse.

Here are just a few of some of my favorite craft books I’ve picked up. I use to love these types of books as a kid and I can only hope Jackson has the attention span or interest to enjoy them as well.

Next week I’ll show you some of the amazing fabrics I’ve found!

(Found my old journal entries that I realized I never uploaded to my blog. Crazy.)

April 29, 2008 (4w3d)

It’s officially one week since one tiny little pink line changed our world forever. Funny how something so big doesn’t feel like anything at all. If anything, I still feel like Aunt Flo is going to rear her nasty head anytime now. From what I’ve read (not that I’m obsessively researching on the internet or anything!), it’s normal but still…I definitely don’t feel pregnant yet and probably won’t for another couple weeks.

Actually I take that back…I have been enjoying the distinct pleasure of sore and aching boobs. Fun, huh? And thirst…I’m thirsty all the freakin’ time…which leads to peeing all the freakin’ time. I wonder if there’s a way to install a sewing machine in the bathroom. At least I could get some work done!

Of course, the standard “worse case scenario” possibilities pop into my head every once and a while. The statistics for a miscarriage are astonishingly high so it’s important Jim and I remain cautiously optimistic. It’s because of this that we’ve decided not to tell anyone outside of our immediate families until around the 4^th of July. So, essentially, I’m writing this post for 2 months in the future when I’ll finally feel safe enough to post it for the whole world to see!

May 14, 2008 (6w4d)

We’re both still here. Went to the doc last Wednesday to make sure the little bean was developing in the correct spot, sure enough…little blob exactly where it should be. Saw a gestational and yolk sac…which has led to Jim calling me his Little Egg….nice. We go back on the 19^th to see the heartbeat!

Not feeling 100% wonderful nor 100% terrible, just kinda blech. I’m pretty much tired all the time and most foods don’t look good to me…other than fruit. I could eat that all day long! Or Taco Bell…totally caved into my craving yesterday and ate two Cheesy Gordita Crunches (minus the meat, of course!). I probably would have eaten them even if I wasn’t pregnant so that somehow makes it all better. Heh, I’m already getting good at rationalizing pregnant behavior. Funny.

We officially told all of our immediate family members. Mixed responses of extreme happiness and lukewarm pleasure. Meh, it happens. Unfortunately, we found out that I’m borderline for immunity to rubella. Rubella is an incredibly rare but since it can cause some pretty severe disabilities in a developing fetus, I’ve been told to play it safe and not subject myself to large groups of children. Bummer…there goes giving tours to kids at the History Museum. Going to Mexico in June is also out of the picture. So incredibly sad.

So yeah, two words to sum up these last couple weeks: “so tired.” Going to go and veg on the couch for a little while.

May 22, 2008 (7w4d)

Saw the little flicker of a heartbeat and it all became so much more real. I don’t know what the problem is but every time my Mom mentions “the baby” (and that’s quite often!) I get kinda uncomfortable and try to change the subject as soon as possible. I mean, I’m fine talking about symptoms and all but mention “the baby” and then is seems so…I don’t know…dangerous? It’s still so early in the pregnancy and absolutely anything can happen. Although seeing the heartbeat, I must admit, made me feel a little more confident.

Keep on truckin’ Little One!

June 25, 2008 (12w3d)

Well, here we are…sliding into the 2^nd trimester. Whew, things were a bit tough there for a while but I must admit, I’m feeling much better. Don’t tell Jim that, though! I’m hoping for at least another week of pampering.

Last saw Jackson (everyone insists that we’re having a boy) on the 2^nd after I had a little bit of spotting after sex. Went in just to make sure everything was ok and there he was, snug as a bug with a nice fast heartrate (188!). Mama was probably stressing him out! Told my extended family when we were in Phoenix during Gera’s wedding. Telling everyone made it seem so much more real.

But all in all, this pregnancy has been entirely too easy. Haven’t had to worry about weight gain since all I really want to eat are carrots, spinach and fruit. Haven’t had any true morning sickness, if anything it’s more “afternoon queasiness.” Haven’t had to buy maternity clothes, just wearing some of my larger pants.

Not bad, Jackson, not bad.

July 30, 2008 (17w3d)

Still in normal clothes…thought I was making some leeway on the little bump until yesterday, during hospital and birthing center visits, every single nurse asked when we were planning on getting pregnant. Oh well, maybe 5 months.

Have decided to look into going with a midwife instead of an OB. The Dr. was nice enough but I worry that his opinions on natural childbirth will sway decisions made during my labor. I completely realize that a birthing plan may go right out the window if complications arise but to walk into the birthing process knowing that all the important players aren’t on the same page seems a bit counterproductive. Looking into birthing at Thomason with one of the Texas Tech Nurse Midwives but decisions won’t be made until we get a chance to interview with them.

Feeling absolutely wonderful, energy high and staying pretty active. Trying to walk everyday and do yoga three times a week. Having some slight tailbone discomfort (damn that fall down the steps in Costa Rica last year!) but trying to take the constant pain as conditioning for the insane amount of pain I’ll be in during labor. Pain does not have to equal suffering.

Have been adding a few baby things here and there: receiving blankets, baby backpack for hiking, bouncer, some cute onesies. Most of the stuff is either thrifted or off of Craig’s List. Reusing…better for the environment and the checkbook!

Over all this pregnancy is quite normal, if even boring. And we wouldn’t have it any other way!

Next up: Big Ultrasound on the 14^th!

August 15, 2008 (19w6d)

Well, it turns out my Mother and Sisters were 100% correct!!! It’s a sweet baby boy! How am I going to know what to do with a boy?!

Having only sisters, mostly girl cousins and a ton of aunts; I guess I just figured it’d be a girl. You can imagine my surprise when the sonogram technician pointed out the little bump between the baby’s legs. Afterwards, while talking to Jim, we realized that you can’t have it both ways. Had it been a girl I would have been a little sad that we weren’t have a boy. So, here we are…expecting our first little Baby Boy and super excited!

Blood pressure has been a little up during visits unfortunately (126/83) and the Dr. wants to see me back in a couple weeks. Depending on how the visit with the Nurse Midwife goes, I may not have to keep that appointment!

Had been feeling what I thought was movement (or gas) for a couple weeks but since he was moving so much during the ultrasound, knew for sure that the little sensations were sweet little kicks! It was crazy to see Jackson completely flip from one side of my uterus to the other. At some point, he decided to stretch out all the way, arms up and legs down. Careful Jackson, Mama doesn’t have that much room in there!

September 18, 2008 (24w5d)

Just got back from our visit with Midwife Betsy…and we absolutely looooooved her! We went in with a list of questions to ask her so that we could get an idea of whether or not she supported natural childbirth. We thought she’d have to be sympathetic since she was a midwife but didn’t realize just how aligned she would be with our views on labor. She answered every question exactly how we would have wanted!

What a relief it was to have her mention that it’s in the best interest of the mother to be able to walk around during labor or be able to have something small to eat to keep up energy. She wasn’t into inducing any earlier than 41 weeks and was open to alternative positions to labor in.

What an absolute dreams Midwife Betsy was! Even my mother said that I sounded so much less stressed out. Guess I didn’t know how much the Dr. was affecting my mood!

On another happy note, Jackson’s soon to be good friend, Seferino was born on Sept. 19!!! Only four more months until little Jack can meet him!

Both Jim and I have been feeling and seeing movement on the outside since a little after our last ultrasound. Yana, Gelica and my Mom have all felt him too but Jackson definitely likes to move the most for his Papa! Got to see the first huge sweeping movements from one side to another while bathing the other day. So glad that Jim just happened to be there talking to me!

October 5, 2008 (27w1d)

Oh my. We are officially in the 3^rd Trimester!!! Where did all the time go? Reading back on these entries it’s crazy to remember how slow it felt like time was going by and now…now I wish it would all kinda slow down. I love being pregnant. I love feeling the little movements of my sweet baby boy. I love seeing my belly grow just a bit more every day. I will definitely miss these times.

Another part of me will miss all the time Jim and I share alone. It’s been 8 years of pure joy and selfishness. I know all couples love to spend time with each other (why would they get married then, right?) but Jim and I have always been obnoxiously into each other. He’s my best friend and husband all rolled up into one. It’s just nice to have someone who completely gets you. I hope we can continue to love and grow in our relationship. It’s essential to our wellbeing as parents and it’s probably the best gift we could ever give Jackson.

I adore you now, more then ever, Jim!

October 22, 2008 (29w4d)

Almost 30 weeks! Eek!

Had the most amazing Baby Shower thrown for us on Sunday!!! My mother and sisters outdid themselves! The food was perfect (mmm, quiche!) and we were so touched that so many people came out to celebrate the soon-to-be arrival of Jackson into this world. He is such a lucky boy to have so many people already love him.

Now that the shower is done, it feels like the end is suddenly very near. Don’t know that we’re 100% ready yet (office/playroom isn’t done, need carseat, haven’t started pain management) but I’m fairly certain that we’ll be just fine. I keep on telling myself that Jackson won’t know the difference if his baby room isn’t done. He’ll probably be sleeping with us for a while anyway!

Have to go in and take my Gestational Diabetes test this week. I have to wait at the clinic for an hour so I figure I’ll take the shower thank you cards and get some work done. Thankfully, my blood pressue went down during my last midwife meeting (116/76). What a relief!!!

Oh my…week 30. Jackson, are you as freaked out as your Mama is?

November 20, 2008 (33w3d)

Another month has gone by…only a month and a few weeks to go! Saw Betsy the Midwife today, everything is going just fine. Gained a “good” amount of weight since the last visit but she wasn’t worried, said it was normal to start swelling a bit in my feet and hands. We scheduled our Childbirth Classes at Thomason so those will start on Dec. 1. We also started working on pain management exercises described in the Birthing From Within book. Who knew holding ice to your wrists could be so painful.

All in all, things are going quite well. Room isn’t done, we still don’t have a car seat and there’s a thin layer of dust on everything in the house…but we have each other and we have people who love and support us. What’s there to complain about?

We’re almost there, Jackson!

December 10, 2008 (36w3d)

A few more weeks and you’ll be full term…way to go, Jackson! You’re still moving around a ton (I thought you were supposed to slow down!) and my belly now dwarfs my breasts (no small feat!).

December 24, 2008 (38w2d)

Oops! Guess I didn’t finish that last entry…just another indication of how we’re running around crazy over here trying to prepare for you. Things are going pretty good, today is your grandmother’s birthday and tomorrow will be Christmas. Bit of family drama occurred last week but as you will soon find out, we should have expected it with our crazy family.

Your room is close to being done. Adri came into town a few weeks ago to help paint it in one weekend (whew!). I don’t know what I would have done without her! We still need to paint the grey gears on the wall but at least there’s a crib and changing station ready.

I’m feeling much better lately. After adding daily naps, walks and massages; most of the swelling in my ankles (cankles!@#$) and feet has gone down. It’s hard trying to relax as much as possible when you’ve got a small business to run, Christmas shopping to do and a new baby to prepare for but with Jim as my constant reminder, we’re not doing too bad.

So now we’re just sorta trying to take it easy and enjoy these last few weeks (days?!) as a married couple without children. We talk about what you’re going to be like all the time and hope that we can be the parents you deserve. You have an entire group of fans already eager to meet you. You’re going to have so much fun with your Aunts, Grandparents and friends!

Take your time, Jackson, we’ll be here when you’re ready.

We’re so excited to announce the release of our iPad Cover + Stand! We’ve been testing ours for the last two and a half months without any issues other than trying to agree on a fabric. The stand option has been absolutely essential to watching Netflix in bed!

When I started drawing out prototypes for the iPad Cover + Stand, I knew I wanted it to be fun and yet practical at the same time. I use the products I design and if they don’t simplify my life, I don’t make them. These days I usually have a 1 yr. old taking up at least one of my hands, pulling the iPad out of sleeve before turning it on is not an option. I spent hours and days laboring over patterns and prototypes to create a cover that you would never have to remove the iPad from. The touch screen works right through the polypropylene sleeve and with the port openings, you can charge/plug/adjust everything just as if you were holding the iPad without a cover.

My favorite thing? The adjustable stand! Our iPad is essentially a recreational device (reading ebooks and watching movies or tv shows). Our cover gives you the option of standing your iPad up so that your hands are free and you can really relax. Watching a movie? Stop searching for something to prop up your iPad. Sitting at a table, updating Facebook or Twitter? Use the stand for perfect keypad entry. Can you tell we seriously love this cover? We haven’t taken our iPad out of it since we finished the design!

As for protection, there are multiple layers of interfacing surrounding a thick section of closed-cell padding. You want to see more of the specs? Check them out here.

I’m also proud to announce that we’re accepting custom orders for the iPad Cover + Stand! That amazing piece of vintage fabric you have been hording for years can now be turned into something beautiful and practical. Details here.

In appreciation of my customers giving me an excuse to buy an iPad, I’m offering 20% off your first order (code: ilovemyipad). So what are you waiting for?! Go show your iPad some love!

I don’t know how to write this post. How do you sum up sorrow and heartache with just simple words on a blog? The internet, by it’s very nature, seems too frivolous and public an arena to write about the passing of my stepfather. I, honestly, don’t really want to write about this, putting it on my blog only makes his absence more real and permanent. The problem is that every time I’m on the computer, trying to get work done, all I can think about is what I should say to the world so that you can understand what a great man, Gilbert Hermosillo, was.

Gilbert came into our lives relatively late, my sisters and I were adults and had formed our life habits already. Gilbert had been a bachelor for the majority of his life and when he fell head over heels in love with my mother, I’m not sure he knew what he was in for.  Liberal/Conservative, Vegetarian/Meat Lover, Feminist/Traditional. People from two completely different worlds rarely merge so peacefully. He was patient and knew that in time we would realize that he didn’t just want to love and care for my mother. Gilbert wanted to love and care for us.

And so we became one big happy family. Eating BBQ in the backyard (He became a pro at grilled veggies), taking family vacations, all of us spending the night at their house (including the dogs). Life just couldn’t get any better…and then Jackson arrived. As much as he loved us, Gilbert loved his grandson 10 times more. They had a connection that transcended words. Even when he became a crazy mobile toddler, Jackson was always content to sit in his Grandpa’s lap snacking on Cheerios. They simply “got” each other and I count myself lucky to have seen such an amazing relationship.

And now he’s gone and my heart hurts for my sisters, my husband, my brothers, Jackson and for my Mom. My amazing mother who loved and cared for him through out his entire illness and now needs us to love and care for her. I would do anything to make this sorrow easier for her to bear and I only hope she knows it.

I don’t know if we see our loved ones in an afterlife or not but one thing I do know is that I’ll “see” Gilbert every time I snuggle with Jackson while eating Cheerios. I’ll see him when I daydream of Costa Rica, drink a rich cup of coffee or blow out a shared birthday candle. He’ll be there laughing and loving us. I’ll see him when I remind myself to be tolerant and accepting, kind and generous. He’ll never really be gone as long as I can see him and all the lessons he taught.

Thank you, Gilbert, for all the love and support you shared with your family. We will love and miss you always.